Dave asked that we meet at the cafe we used to hang out at when we just started dating. It was this cozy boho-themed garden cafe named after the Greek goddess of harvest and agriculture, Demeter. I have not been to Demeter for a long time. Trying to move on from my failed relationship with Dave also meant not going to places that might trigger any memories of him, and this cafe is in his side of the town which I also ultimately avoided.
The cafe still looks the same as it was two years ago, the brick wall is still partly covered by this beautiful shrubs, the Edison bulbs hanging above the cafe is still luminous and our corner spot is still untouched by the passing of time. It is kind of amazing how a place so familiar could cause a sudden wave of different emotions.
Dave waved at me from a table far from our usual spot when we were still together, our spot was already taken by this lovely couple who I guess was on their first date, I could sense the nervous excitement from their table.
Its already past six in the evening so coffee is very much out of the options. We both ordered Mimosas instead, we could use a bit of alcohol for the kind of conversation we might have.
We shared how our lives has been for the past year, intently avoiding the reason why we broke up. Just like our conversation last time we “accidentally” had lunch, it was all trivial, small talk.
I spent an enormous amount of time discussing my new found love of anything Japanese and how it has led me to the art of origami while he talked about about how he’s training for the marathon. Mundane conversation.
It was on our 2nd glass of Mimosas when he finally decided to go deep. He asked me if I was seeing anyone and if i wanted us to see each other again.
I was dumbfounded.
“Are you serious?”
“Yes.” He answered me with certainty in his voice like he didn’t feel the sarcasm laced with my question.
There was a sudden shift in the air, at least from where I was sitting. I’m not sure if Dave’s question is what I wanted to hear after all these years, I should be happy that he wants us to see each other again, but why does it feel amiss?
Maybe it wasn’t what I wanted to hear from him after almost a year of trying to get past of what had happened to us. Maybe all I wanted from this meet-up is to check up on him.
“Seeing you the other day brought me back to our good times and I miss that a lot..” Dave professes.
This is where my heart gets confused; I felt from the time that I saw Dave again at Starbuck’s that my attempt of moving on may have not been successful at all.
“I’m not really sure where this could end up again, but I’m taking my chances again” continued Dave.
Now, this is where my heart decides to be offended.
“Dave, if you’re not yet sure by now I guess you’ll never be certain of us, of me. We’ve been there before, what do you think will be the difference this time around? What do you do when the novelty of us dating again die down? Cheat on me again? Because you’re bored?
Why are you bringing all that up now? We’re okay now right? Dave asks restraining his frustration from reflecting in his voice.
I’m not sure that we are okay. I answered back.
Then why you did come? Why were you nice to me the other day? Dave interjected slightly losing his temper.
Why? Because that’s the human thing to do, to be nice. Why did I come here and agreed to meet you because I expected that you’d at least remembered to apologise for the things you did before… because that’s the human thing to do.
I moved my chair back and prepared to stand and leave.
You’re still the same… you want an apology? okay… I’m sorry for whatever it is the you think I did that hurt you…
This is where my heart decides to give up the fight because an apology is never an apology if it was demanded. I stood up and looked at him one last time. “I’m not the same guy you once knew, Dave. I thought I wasn’t over you when I saw you again yesterday but I realised that all I really felt was just nostalgia… But nostalgia’s fleeting. Bye, Dave. Have a good life.”
I started walking away, farther and farther. Away from our table, away from Demeter, away from Dave. I felt a surge of energy coming from within, moving from my chest up to my mouth forming a smile then a sudden burst of laughter, I finally felt it, i’ve moved on.